Misconception on Islam

I consider myself to be quite a chill person but it's always riled me up whenever I read facebook comments and media badmouthing Islam as if they know better about my religion than every damn Muslims in this world. Now I get that there are questionable and even terrible things committed by some muslims (so they claimed) but you can't judge Islam based on them. Just like you can't judge a person's moral by their races and their religions because frankly, all of them have committed atrocities at some point of time. The Americans, the Frenchs, the Germans, the Brits, the Muslims, the Christians, the Buddhists and whatever other races and religions out there, never has one with completely innocent history. A person's character should not be judged aside from his or her personal moral values, and that alone should be the sole measurement of a character. This is to say that I understand that religions and cultures do influence a person's character and that I agree that we can hold a religion or a culture responsible for whatever values they impart on the person conforms to them, PROVIDED that it's true. If a religion teaches its follower to sacrifice virgins to appease their gods, it's a shitty religion. If a culture requires you to kill a person to prove yourself to be a man, it's a shitty culture. Conversely, if the religion or the culture encourage you to be kind and improve your intellect than they get the credits too. Now, if a religion teaches its followers not to harm innocents but they do that anyway, why would we blame the religion? Clearly their moral values skewed from what their religion teaches so the blame should fall on them and whatever that teaches them to do so. This is what happens to my religion.

I was born in a Muslim family, in an Islamic country and live in Islamic culture (among other cultures). I've been learning about Islam since I can remember and never once I was taught to hurt people outside from my religion. I learned that you can resort to violence and war only when you are defending yourself and never the one starting it, and never should you touch the innocents. This is what my prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. teaches me. I remember a story about his life, though I can't quote the exact hadith but I'm sure almost every Muslims have heard it. Once there was a Jewish (if I'm not mistaken) blind old lady living alone in Mecca (or Medina) and having difficulties in taking care of herself. She was visited by a man everyday and the man helped taking care of her. She was very hateful to Muhammad pbuh and she would have insulted him when she conversed with the man while the man listened quietly. One day, she noticed that the man helping her was a different one from before thus she enquired about him and where was the man before. The person explained that he is Abu Bakr, the current caliph and the man who had been helping her before was Muhammad and that he had passed away. The old woman cried and embraced Islam afterward.

There are many other stories like this that were taught and passed around to muslims to exemplify the values of a true muslim, the values of Muhammad pbuh. Whatever accusations you say about our prophet, we know him as the ideal, the most perfect human in history because of these values that were taught to us. If you want to be ignorant and listen to other ignorants who claimed they know the "true" nature of him, nobody can't stop you. But know this, even if you believe that he is evil and did evil deeds, and that we were fooled by him, it doesn't matter because what he is to us is what we learned about his life, his kindness and greatness. In the end, these values, his values are all that matter. We follow him because of his exemplary values we've learned, not whatever values you confused him with.

Happy New Year

It's 2016. I'm 29 now. Sort of. New year resolution? Yeah I don't have one. To be exact I ain't gonna make one because I'm too unmotivated and lacking in determination to keep one until I achieve it. Though if I have to make one, then maybe I'd hope to become more resolute this year. This year I will be studying again. A Master's degree this time. I'm 29 y.o. already but still I decided to continue to be unemployed. I know some people around me don't quite approve my decision. It's okay, I get it. I'm not gonna say that my decision is the correct or the better one. I understand that working experience might be more essential than your academic qualification. Being jobless at my age would most probably cause me a huge problem in getting jobs in the future. I'm fully aware that this decision of mine might bite me in the ass some time in the future. I chose this because I like it. Not to say that I like it like I really like to study per se, it's just that I like it more than working a job. Ideally, I would still like to work in a laboratory of some sort. It's my dream to be a scientist and a researcher. I did try to apply some when I was looking for a job but I didn't get even one interview. Although I didn't exactly try my hardest to get a job and just half-assing my job hunting. Truth is, I like to live a simple life. Maybe I'm just sugarcoating my laziness but whatever. It may be why I'm still a student even now. And single, again. Once in a while, I'd get depressed when I see people around me living their lives, having families, climbing up the ladder in their careers etc while I'm still stuck here, penniless and alone. And yeah sometimes I'd try to improve myself to follow their footsteps. But then I realized that I don't really want all that. Or at least not right now. I think, essentially, all of us do what we do to be happy and to be content with what we have and what we've achieved. When I look at those around me, I see that and that what makes me want to follow their leads. But in the end, I found that I already have them, happiness and content in my life, and the more I try to copy their life choices, the more unsettling I get. And I think this is why I've become so lazy and unmotivated. It is why I chose to be single again, why I still don't get a job, why I still want to study. A simple, uncomplicated life. I'm not saying this is right but that's just how I'd like my life to be, I guess. For now. Money, power, and fame; these three things are what most men strive to gain. I think even if I've got all of them, I'd still be locked in my room, reading books and manga and surfing fun stuff in the internet most of the time. Lol I'm so zen and shit.

A losing success

For a guy who's once failed 9 subjects and got kicked out from his university, and then successfully rose to become the top student in his new place, I should be on cloud 9 right now but I'm not feeling it. I checked my result for the last semester yesterday while bracing myself for an expected fall. I was so sure that I will almost definitely get below the Dean list since my performance in certain subjects in the whole semester and in the finals were kind of shitty. However to my surprise, I get the second highest GPA out of the all GPAs I've ever gained. It was unbelievable. I recheck it again and again and keep clicking the refresh button a few times though its meaningless. I felt awesome for a few minutes. I felt like telling someone then I realized that I have no one. Well it's not like I don't have anyone to tell per se, it's just that I don't have anyone that I really want to share the news with. I really want to celebrate it but I don't have anyone I really want to celebrate it with. And it left me with feeling alone and empty. Can I really call this a success, or a win? I don't even feel like I deserve getting such GPA. I keep thinking that maybe someone from the system or lecturers deliberately increased my marks or something for the sake of our university reputation, since the last graduation ceremony no one from our place received any award. I know I shouldn't question the good things and I do feel grateful to God but I really think that I should have a lower GPA. I don't know why I can't just enjoy it. I mean yeah I think that my effort in the last semester weren't as much as the previous semesters, but I do feel that compare to most people, I studied harder. And I can't figure out why should I feel bothered so much from feeling alone, while I'm the one who prefer to be solitary most of the time. It's not like I indiscriminately hate people in general, it's just that I can't connect easily. I don't have many interests in this world, compared with other people. Sure I can enjoy sports sometimes, but not enough to follow them like other guys. Same things with cars and bikes, they look awesome n shit, but I don't really care about their names and brands. Games? Only some, but I like when you play against computer like RPG or strategy or something. So it's hard for me to have things to talk to with guys. Besides, loud people like those guys who screaming while watching games like they were in the stadium or something are really annoying. 25/1/2014

Latest Artworks

Another night

Adoyai xleh tdo lg. Terexcited la pulak pas bace Bakuman. Canne nak gi jogging sok nihh??

Siang td gi MidVal bershopping sakan. Xde la sakan sgt bajet dlm 2rat je. Plannye nak beli running shoes tp sampai2 kat Studio R,usya2 kt bahagian kasut tu bapak mahal rege die. Plg2 koman pon 270 sumtin. Terkesima kejap tym pegang kasut tu. Cek2 kat Nike ngan Adidas store pon rege die same cam haram gak. Xleh belah btol...

Pastu gi la meriau2 tanpa pedoman kt dlm MidVal tu. Jumpe FOS, usya2 la sket pape yang ade. Okla gak brg2 die affordable n lawa2 so gi la bawak sluar sepasang dua ngn some fancy long-sleeve shirt ke fitting room. Tgh2 nk try baju sume barula terperasan zip jeans nih rilek je terbukak seluas2 alam...ladies,you're welcome.

Then gi la mencari-cara stationeries utk melukis. Beli drawing pens size 1 & 2, pemadam & sketch book. Kat umah ni ade je menatang2 ni sume tp beli gak supaya dpt semangat nk melukis2. Problemnye susah sgt nak ade semangat melukis ni sebab xde scanner. Bile xde scanner xleh la nk upload artworks kt fb utk mencapab. Ble xleh mencapab maka xdelah semangat waja nk mengabihke boreh berejam2 utk melukih. Yes,I'm whoring for attention for my drawings,deal wi'it bitch.

That is all, so long and good night,so long and good night.

Solemn night

It's 2:48am and I can't sleep. Maybe it's because I've already slept at noon earlier my mind hasn't gone fatigue despite my eyes feeling heavy. I actually planned to wake early today around 5:30 just so I can go for a jog at the lake. Why so early? it's cuz I'm shy. It's kinda embarrassing to me to walk for 30 minutes wearing a three-quarter sport pants and a pair of sneakers along the heavy traffic on the way to the lake. I've been slacking off like a bouse these few days after I quit my job end of last month that I've gained around 2kilos. That's sick isn't it? Anyway the jog's a goner now. Tomorrow perhaps..

The reason I couldn't sleep even after i've rested my head on the pillow for around 4 songs from my playlist is cuz I kept thinking about whether I should carry on going to MICET. Truth be told is, I don't particularly like Micet nor my degree program, which is Bachelor in Engineering Technology in Biosystem. I put my application for the program solely because of the accessible of MARA loan cuz it's one of MARA's affiliated institution. I want MARA loan cuz the repayment of it is depends on your academic performance i.e. CGPA, in which case you have above 3.5, you needn't pay squat. It's very important to me to avoid any more debts since i've already owe JPA 75 grand. So..that's that and it sucks ya know to not getting to do what you want and what you dream of and such cuz you're moneyless in got mountain-like debt.

I actually want to go to UMS Sabah. I for once dreamt of going to school besides a beach when I was probably 10yo and I still remember the dream very vividly. UMS is probably the only university in Malaysia that's near the beach and is so goddamn beautiful from I've seen once in my bro's pics who went studied there. It's compound is goddamn large too you'd need bus to tour around the whole area. I'd definitely be happy studying over there,if only... Micet on the other hand,my friend said that the place's hot,goddamn hot, and there's no town around it so it's boring. That's all about it. What a bummer...

Haih whateverla. You can't always get what you want,right? I just hope I won't mess up my study anymore and get good result,get MARA loan, get good job and pay my debt. Only after that I'd do whatever I want without troubling anyone.

gnight

B&R vs K&T

I...
-came upon keluangman when browsing internet then suddenly felt nostalgic;
-got tired in the middle of sketching and took a nap;
-took a total of about 5 hours of sketching and drawing this,and another hour editing it in MS paint(yes I don't know a damn thing about photoshoping);
-about to give up midway of inking;
-am not satisfied with it but whatever i put it up anyway

Note to self: DONT DRAW PEOPLE WEARING DARK CLOTHES UNLESS U DONT CARE WHAT HAPPEN TO YOUR PEN.