A losing success

For a guy who's once failed 9 subjects and got kicked out from his university, and then successfully rose to become the top student in his new place, I should be on cloud 9 right now but I'm not feeling it. I checked my result for the last semester yesterday while bracing myself for an expected fall. I was so sure that I will almost definitely get below the Dean list since my performance in certain subjects in the whole semester and in the finals were kind of shitty. However to my surprise, I get the second highest GPA out of the all GPAs I've ever gained. It was unbelievable. I recheck it again and again and keep clicking the refresh button a few times though its meaningless. I felt awesome for a few minutes. I felt like telling someone then I realized that I have no one. Well it's not like I don't have anyone to tell per se, it's just that I don't have anyone that I really want to share the news with. I really want to celebrate it but I don't have anyone I really want to celebrate it with. And it left me with feeling alone and empty. Can I really call this a success, or a win? I don't even feel like I deserve getting such GPA. I keep thinking that maybe someone from the system or lecturers deliberately increased my marks or something for the sake of our university reputation, since the last graduation ceremony no one from our place received any award. I know I shouldn't question the good things and I do feel grateful to God but I really think that I should have a lower GPA. I don't know why I can't just enjoy it. I mean yeah I think that my effort in the last semester weren't as much as the previous semesters, but I do feel that compare to most people, I studied harder. And I can't figure out why should I feel bothered so much from feeling alone, while I'm the one who prefer to be solitary most of the time. It's not like I indiscriminately hate people in general, it's just that I can't connect easily. I don't have many interests in this world, compared with other people. Sure I can enjoy sports sometimes, but not enough to follow them like other guys. Same things with cars and bikes, they look awesome n shit, but I don't really care about their names and brands. Games? Only some, but I like when you play against computer like RPG or strategy or something. So it's hard for me to have things to talk to with guys. Besides, loud people like those guys who screaming while watching games like they were in the stadium or something are really annoying. 25/1/2014